The Holder of Om Nom Nom
Note: I didn't write this pasta. I'm just posting it here for preservation. In any city, in any country, go to any hotel you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, you must ask the manager to see one known as "The Holder of Om Nom Nom" (this is important; the manager has a sandwich and a bag of Cheetos sitting in front of him). Should the manager take one bite of the sandwich sitting in front of him, you will be stricken with an unspeakable madness, and your head will asplode in mere seconds from the sheer force of the madness. However, should the manager open up the bag of Cheetos instead, he will stand up and lead you to an unmarked door in the back of the hotel, all the while eating from the bag of Cheetos. Once you reach the door, you must ask for a Cheeto. He will have eaten them all by then, but he will reach into the bag and withdraw a copper-plated key, giving it to you. You must politely thank him, and he will bow and disappear in a puff of Cheetos dust. If you are rude or otherwise displeasing to him, his maw will open to an impossible size, and he will devour your head. With the key in hand, you must unlock the unmarked door, open it and step through. The door will slam shut once you are inside; ignore this, and drop the copper-plated key in the iron bucket to your right. If you attempt to take the key with you, hordes of Cookie Monsters will descend upon you and devour you from the toes up as soon as you take a step. Leave the key behind and walk down the corridor. As you walk, you will hear the sounds of many people eating all kinds of food; chips, cakes, soups, sandwiches. All of them will be saying "Om nom nom nom nom nom nom" as they feast. However, should these sounds stop for any reason, you must say "Those Turkish Delights aren’t going to eat themselves, you know.” If the sounds resume, you are free to continue. If they do not, you can try and run, but they will always catch you. Eventually you will come across a golden door at the end of the corridor, with the visage of a gaping maw upon it. Remember the key you left behind? Look to your left; there will be a bucket, exactly like the one you dropped the key into. Reach inside and you will pull out a gold-plated key. Use it to unlock the golden door, and walk inside. The being you find inside will disgust and repulse you; it resembles a behemothic mound of pulsating, naked flesh, a mixture of human and monster, forever om-nom-nomming upon the corpses of those Seekers who have failed epically in their quests; this beast is the Holder of Om Nom Nom. Approach him slowly, and then kneel down in respect, keeping your eyes to the floor, lest he devour you as well for your impudence. Keep still, and wait for him to acknowledge your presence; you will know when you have his attention once the eating ceases. You are now allowed to look up at him, but ask only one question; "What do They taste like?” He will answer, in grotesque detail, every meal he has ever eaten, every pizza, salad, hamburger, human, animal, vegetable and mineral. He will describe in great length their textures and flavors, the sounds they made once he devoured them, every slurp, crunch, crack and lip-smacking. Many go mad in that very room; even more of them toss their cookies all over the floor. Should you manage to stay sane and keep your lunch down, he will reach into the endless fatty folds of his body and pull out a diamond shard, crafted into the shape of a predator’s fang. Accept this gift and leave the building as quick as you can. The power granted by this Object allows you to eat anything, and I mean anything. Metals, toxic waste, plastic, earth, stone, fugu; you can eat it all without any negative repercussions. Just don’t get too hungry... This diamond fang is Object 347 of 9001. Can you digest what happens when they all come together? Category:BCP Category:Pastas Category:Troll pasta Category:Monster